So I have totally neglected my blog for awhile. That's okay, don't worry, I neglected plenty of other things as well!! That's how life is. Anyway, we've gotten past Thanksgiving at our house. It was nice. We had a houseful and a half, plenty of food, and lots to be thankful for ( Not the best grammar there, but that's okay, too.) Now my kids are counting the days until Christmas, and so am I. They're thinking about presents, I'm thinking about lists, time, and $$. But really, we should be thinking of Christ's birth and ultimate sacrifice for all that believe. The media doesn't exactly put much of Christ in Christmas. So we try to at least do more of Christmas Eve presents (like my family used to do-Santa used to take care of our part of the world early), and having Christmas Day being more about Jesus' birthday and family for dinner. We often have birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas Eve.Then the 26th is Christopher's birthday, so three days in a row of celebration.
As I look at my Christmas tree, I see ornaments from my grandchildren, ornaments I had made for my children, a little angel for our grandchild in heaven (I know she's not an angel, but this little angel baby kneeling down with a little hospital style cap, and wings that say,"Tis a gift to believe", speaks to me of the Book of Life and the songs of praise in heaven), several ornaments with names of babies for which we did foster care, several snow white doves (before my mom passed away, she pointed out to me a dove flying in her room. She didn't like birds at all, she was actually afraid of them up close, but she so wanted me to be able to see this dove. I couldn't. She died the next day).
These things make the Christmas tree more than a decoration; more than a place to put the presents; more than a candy cane holder. It is a perfect followup to Thanksgiving. It is a rembrance of the people I love and am thankful for; a sign of the hope and belief I have in my mom's and my grandbaby's life in heaven. I know I'll see them there. What better Christmas promise could there be????!!!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Introducing Christopher
I'd like to introduce you to Christopher. He's the african-american little boy in the lakeside pic.
We adopted Chris when he was two. He had bowel surgery when he was an infant, and had a colostomy for a short time until they were able to rejoin his bowel segments. He's been pretty healthy since then, so we are grateful for that. Chris is a very auditory learner, and so I try to keep that in mind when homeschooling. Repeating information verbally is really helpful to him in learning things. He's also the one that often pops up with phrases learned on tv or elsewhere. He may or may not put them in the right context, which can be so, so funny. Chris is struggling forward, slowly, in his reading. It is quite a challenge for him, especially since Corey, who is 7 months younger, reads so well. That's the opportunity for me to talk about the gifts we have and the gifts we don't have. In this day of the whole "self-esteem" hype, I think it is useful for kids to grow up understanding that we all have different gifts and challenges (including mom and dad), and we just need to do the best we can with what we have. Others will often be put in our path to fill in or help in areas we struggle. I try to remind my kids, when they often complain, "It's not fair", that much in life will never be fair (examples are endless), and think about Jesus praying to his Father, anticipating and accepting the unfair treatment He would endure to provide a way for us to one day join Him in Heaven. Now, having said that from a homeschool mom point of view, I must admit that there are many times I also need a review of that same lesson. That's another of the great opportunities homeschooling provides-we learn as we teach, and we need just as much review as they do!! Look for pop-quiz in future post!!
We adopted Chris when he was two. He had bowel surgery when he was an infant, and had a colostomy for a short time until they were able to rejoin his bowel segments. He's been pretty healthy since then, so we are grateful for that. Chris is a very auditory learner, and so I try to keep that in mind when homeschooling. Repeating information verbally is really helpful to him in learning things. He's also the one that often pops up with phrases learned on tv or elsewhere. He may or may not put them in the right context, which can be so, so funny. Chris is struggling forward, slowly, in his reading. It is quite a challenge for him, especially since Corey, who is 7 months younger, reads so well. That's the opportunity for me to talk about the gifts we have and the gifts we don't have. In this day of the whole "self-esteem" hype, I think it is useful for kids to grow up understanding that we all have different gifts and challenges (including mom and dad), and we just need to do the best we can with what we have. Others will often be put in our path to fill in or help in areas we struggle. I try to remind my kids, when they often complain, "It's not fair", that much in life will never be fair (examples are endless), and think about Jesus praying to his Father, anticipating and accepting the unfair treatment He would endure to provide a way for us to one day join Him in Heaven. Now, having said that from a homeschool mom point of view, I must admit that there are many times I also need a review of that same lesson. That's another of the great opportunities homeschooling provides-we learn as we teach, and we need just as much review as they do!! Look for pop-quiz in future post!!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Trials and temptations revisited
Okay, so back to the issue of getting one's dh back on the wagon. Every situation is as unique as our past, our faith, our upbringing, our peers, our emotional issues, and on and on and on. There are groups on the internet where you can read posts and ask questions of people going thru the same thing. You can get counseling, but be careful. Not all counseling is helpful, some may only exacerbate the whole situation. In our situation, it is going to be a combination of dh having an accountability person that will truly hold him accountable, but love him all the while; asking God to lighten the temptation and asking people to pray about this (you're right, this means people will know our family is not perfect. So be it. It is what it is (again thanking my wonderful friend for this adage) ; blocking the tv and internet from further temptations (check out K9, it's free, and it even barks!) ; checking on the medications and making any changes needed; learning how to see signs of danger or bipolar episodes that seem to coincide with the porn problem; digging into the Word to recall verses about how Satan roams the Earth like a lion looking for those he can devour, about putting on the full armor of God, about not giving place to the devil, about keeping pure, about how He is faithful to forgive our sins when we confess them, etc, etc, etc. Note I am not giving the verses here. If you need these, you need to search them out yourself. Look up the key words in the back of your bible and you should be able to find them, or perhaps He will lead you elsewhere.
Now, being in this situation feels just like being a video game character on it's last life. I know I waffled between anger, hurt, betrayal, trying to figure out the reason, etc. Knowing Satan was involved but that God would use it somehow for good was a comfort, but difficult to keep in the forefront of my thoughts. Sleep felt like the most comfortable thing to do, but that's just a way to escape. I am so thankful that we have Christian friends that love us and are willing to talk to me and or dh, as well as offer help and encouragement. I am thankful also that dh does want things to change, is open to both encouraging and tough love accountability. I believe that dh, in the 50's range of life, with hormonal medical issues and the porn issue beginning at the same time, is a man that easily and unwittingly can fall prey to that roaming lion. I also believe that dh will find peace only when surrounded by prayer, walking as close to God as he can, minute by minute, wearing the armor of God. It won't be easy even then, but without each of those things, would be impossible. There are two books called, "Every Man's Battle", and, "Every Heart Restored", that may be helpful. As always, remember that these books are not the Bible, written by people. So be discerning, ask God to let the good info sink in, and any poor info to not make it past your eyes.
Again, even though some pretend otherwise, our lives are not perfect. We all have sin. We often find ourselves on the wrong path. I share my life here, with all of it's reality. How can we repair and clean something we hide, in the darkness, alone?
Now, being in this situation feels just like being a video game character on it's last life. I know I waffled between anger, hurt, betrayal, trying to figure out the reason, etc. Knowing Satan was involved but that God would use it somehow for good was a comfort, but difficult to keep in the forefront of my thoughts. Sleep felt like the most comfortable thing to do, but that's just a way to escape. I am so thankful that we have Christian friends that love us and are willing to talk to me and or dh, as well as offer help and encouragement. I am thankful also that dh does want things to change, is open to both encouraging and tough love accountability. I believe that dh, in the 50's range of life, with hormonal medical issues and the porn issue beginning at the same time, is a man that easily and unwittingly can fall prey to that roaming lion. I also believe that dh will find peace only when surrounded by prayer, walking as close to God as he can, minute by minute, wearing the armor of God. It won't be easy even then, but without each of those things, would be impossible. There are two books called, "Every Man's Battle", and, "Every Heart Restored", that may be helpful. As always, remember that these books are not the Bible, written by people. So be discerning, ask God to let the good info sink in, and any poor info to not make it past your eyes.
Again, even though some pretend otherwise, our lives are not perfect. We all have sin. We often find ourselves on the wrong path. I share my life here, with all of it's reality. How can we repair and clean something we hide, in the darkness, alone?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Trials and Temptations
Remember my posting about how God walks with us through the events in our life? I had to read that one over again myself this past three weeks. Then I had to really think about that. I also had to review my advice about Joseph and Rule J. I sure didn't realize when I wrote this stuff that "I" would be the person that may be helped by my writings. I'll bet God knew, though. And He let me start this post, feeling that there was someone who would be reached by it. But now it's me, reading my own words back to myself, giving me renewal, remembering that he is close. Ironically?! also is the fact that my kids chose the animated movie about Joseph at Walmart the other day. So I have not only read my own advice about life's trials, I have watched a cartoon about Joseph that helped me to know that even though Joseph spent day after day, month after month with one trial and betrayal after another, God had a very cool plan for Joseph. But he also did his part- he remained faithful and did the right thing.
My recent trials? We had been awaiting the time when we could see our new baby grandchild, but now that time will have to wait until we see that baby in heaven. This is not what we wanted, not what the plan was, not fair. Our daughter and son-in-law had a miscarriage, very painful emotionally and physically. We have no answers as to why this happened. We do have an abundance of questions, which are and will remain unanswered at least until we pass on. They have an early ultrasound photo, the only proof of the baby's life, which I know they treasure. Life is so precious, and the miracle of pregnancy and birth is a wonder in itself. It is awesome to know that that little life in not just gone, but is in another place where someday we'll have that long awaited meeting. People have been wonderful in supporting them and even in sharing their own stories of loss, which must be difficult, now matter how much time has passed. Sharing your own tragedy to help someone cope with theirs is nothing less than grabbing a handful of love from your heart (even tho it hurts) and offering it to that person in words. I know it's hard to know what to say to someone with such a loss, but even just a hug helps. And time. Lots of time.
In the same 24 hours, I became aware that my husband had fallen off the wagon into a stinking pile of pornography. Unfortunately, this is the secret sin in our society, with the flames being fueled by the media and women walking around with the desire to be desired. We really need to teach our kids about keeping their minds pure. The school will not do that for you. Many churches will not do that for you. We allow our kids to see so much that is inappropriate, and we don't talk to them about it because it's just on tv, in a movie, or at the beach. And what does our silence say? Do we fool ourselves into thinking that they are kids and don't really notice? Is it so all over that we just hope they get used to it? Do we not want to be old fuddy duddies? Do we not want to talk about it, or draw their attention to it? We need to wake up and smell the smut!! Protect your kids from your tv. Don't pay $ for the movie. Don't dress or let your daughter dress in a way that is going to make a man look at you like a piece of meat- do not provide eye candy for someone who does not love you or care what your name is.
Adding to my dh's temptation are the hormonal issues and an Rx for testosterone. Recall that I said, "Adding to the temptation", and not "Excusing the actions". So, dh is in the process of standing up, facing the issue, peeling off the layer of slime, and crawling back into the wagon.
Next post will be about getting back on the wagon and staying on, and more.
As I said, not all paths in life are clear or safe. And we all have issues in our lives that show that we and our families are not perfect. I feel the need to be honest and open with these issues. Pretending that my life is perfect is useless. Only in admitting and thinking about my problems can I hope to alleviate or accept them. If just one person reads this and makes a committment to block some of their tv and teach their kids about purity I have succeeded.
I recommend:
The Christian children's song, "Oh be careful..."
Read your bible. Read it like you're searching for answers. You may find some.
A computer blocking program such as K9. It is free, easy to use, free, programmable, free.....
My recent trials? We had been awaiting the time when we could see our new baby grandchild, but now that time will have to wait until we see that baby in heaven. This is not what we wanted, not what the plan was, not fair. Our daughter and son-in-law had a miscarriage, very painful emotionally and physically. We have no answers as to why this happened. We do have an abundance of questions, which are and will remain unanswered at least until we pass on. They have an early ultrasound photo, the only proof of the baby's life, which I know they treasure. Life is so precious, and the miracle of pregnancy and birth is a wonder in itself. It is awesome to know that that little life in not just gone, but is in another place where someday we'll have that long awaited meeting. People have been wonderful in supporting them and even in sharing their own stories of loss, which must be difficult, now matter how much time has passed. Sharing your own tragedy to help someone cope with theirs is nothing less than grabbing a handful of love from your heart (even tho it hurts) and offering it to that person in words. I know it's hard to know what to say to someone with such a loss, but even just a hug helps. And time. Lots of time.
In the same 24 hours, I became aware that my husband had fallen off the wagon into a stinking pile of pornography. Unfortunately, this is the secret sin in our society, with the flames being fueled by the media and women walking around with the desire to be desired. We really need to teach our kids about keeping their minds pure. The school will not do that for you. Many churches will not do that for you. We allow our kids to see so much that is inappropriate, and we don't talk to them about it because it's just on tv, in a movie, or at the beach. And what does our silence say? Do we fool ourselves into thinking that they are kids and don't really notice? Is it so all over that we just hope they get used to it? Do we not want to be old fuddy duddies? Do we not want to talk about it, or draw their attention to it? We need to wake up and smell the smut!! Protect your kids from your tv. Don't pay $ for the movie. Don't dress or let your daughter dress in a way that is going to make a man look at you like a piece of meat- do not provide eye candy for someone who does not love you or care what your name is.
Adding to my dh's temptation are the hormonal issues and an Rx for testosterone. Recall that I said, "Adding to the temptation", and not "Excusing the actions". So, dh is in the process of standing up, facing the issue, peeling off the layer of slime, and crawling back into the wagon.
Next post will be about getting back on the wagon and staying on, and more.
As I said, not all paths in life are clear or safe. And we all have issues in our lives that show that we and our families are not perfect. I feel the need to be honest and open with these issues. Pretending that my life is perfect is useless. Only in admitting and thinking about my problems can I hope to alleviate or accept them. If just one person reads this and makes a committment to block some of their tv and teach their kids about purity I have succeeded.
I recommend:
The Christian children's song, "Oh be careful..."
Read your bible. Read it like you're searching for answers. You may find some.
A computer blocking program such as K9. It is free, easy to use, free, programmable, free.....
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Mouths of babes
Why is it that kids can remember things they hear on t.v, but can't remember the house rules or their multiplication tables?? Our son, Corey, was excited about the waiting on he'd get during a hospital stay, saying he'd get so much "publicity".
Another son, Christopher, standing with Grandma at Grandpa's gravesite a few months after his passing, said, "Well, it just doesn't get better than this." Thankfully, Grandma saw the humor in that one.
One day at a restaurant dinner with extended family, Christopher looked across the table at his sister Cierra and asked, "Cierra, if you die, can I have your room?"
And then there's the time Corey told me he knew why women wear bras. When I asked why, he told me it was because "those things must be really ugly". And ya know, I'm fine with him having that opinion for several years yet.
Another son, Christopher, standing with Grandma at Grandpa's gravesite a few months after his passing, said, "Well, it just doesn't get better than this." Thankfully, Grandma saw the humor in that one.
One day at a restaurant dinner with extended family, Christopher looked across the table at his sister Cierra and asked, "Cierra, if you die, can I have your room?"
And then there's the time Corey told me he knew why women wear bras. When I asked why, he told me it was because "those things must be really ugly". And ya know, I'm fine with him having that opinion for several years yet.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Special Needs for 5, please
The children that we have adopted are "special needs". Medically, we deal with Klippel-Feil Syndrome, Dandy Walker Syndrome, Hirschprung's Disease, shunted Hydrocephalus, severe Scoliosis, Kyphosis, Synkinesis, Chiari Malformation, partial deafness, and one missing kidney. Learning and behavior-wise, we deal with ADHD, ADD, developmental delays, possibly Asperger's, and fetal alcohol and drug issues. Emotionally, we deal with attachment issues, pre-adoption abuses, and early puberty to boot!!
Now, the tricky part is that in reality, we ALL have our "special needs". I am organizationally challenged. I take on more than I can handle. I begin many projects, but finish few (kind of like contests that warn "many will enter, few will win")!! I don't always discipline with consistency. Oh, and I began menopause about 7 years ago at 40, and am still flashing! To top that, my husband is bi-polar (if you know what that is about, you realize what a wild ride it is), which has reared it's head often since he suffered from carbon monoxide poisoning about three years ago. He also deals with thyroid and hormonal issues from a pituitary tumor they discovered after the carbon monoxide poisoning. And of course, there's always the family, job, financial, spiritual ups and downs that we all have.
So, we are indeed a "special needs" family. All of our needs affect all of our family. But that's okay. We will all learn acceptance, compassion, and hopefully learn to laugh and cry - together. Regardless of each individual's issues, we are together a family. That's the bottom line. In the words of a very wise woman I know, "It is what it is." This nugget of wisdom helped me to understand that to wish and worry, wish and worry about things we cannot change is useless. Instead, concentrate on working around "it" with as much love, grace, and acceptance as we can muster. With prayer. God does not often erase our problems, but He will help us to cope with them.
Now, the tricky part is that in reality, we ALL have our "special needs". I am organizationally challenged. I take on more than I can handle. I begin many projects, but finish few (kind of like contests that warn "many will enter, few will win")!! I don't always discipline with consistency. Oh, and I began menopause about 7 years ago at 40, and am still flashing! To top that, my husband is bi-polar (if you know what that is about, you realize what a wild ride it is), which has reared it's head often since he suffered from carbon monoxide poisoning about three years ago. He also deals with thyroid and hormonal issues from a pituitary tumor they discovered after the carbon monoxide poisoning. And of course, there's always the family, job, financial, spiritual ups and downs that we all have.
So, we are indeed a "special needs" family. All of our needs affect all of our family. But that's okay. We will all learn acceptance, compassion, and hopefully learn to laugh and cry - together. Regardless of each individual's issues, we are together a family. That's the bottom line. In the words of a very wise woman I know, "It is what it is." This nugget of wisdom helped me to understand that to wish and worry, wish and worry about things we cannot change is useless. Instead, concentrate on working around "it" with as much love, grace, and acceptance as we can muster. With prayer. God does not often erase our problems, but He will help us to cope with them.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Adoption- State, Agency, or International??
Children are available, and in need of homes in every corner of the world, including your own backyard. We have not adopted internationally, but have adopted both through a local adoption agency, and through the state of Wisconsin. Cutting to the quick, the agency adoption provided us with qualified help in getting all of the legalities accomplished, but the cost was considerably higher. Many of the incurred expenses may be covered by tax or workplace incentives, so be sure to check on those. The state adoption took longer, but the cost was next to nothing, less than $50. In the end, however, we are happy to have adopted three wonderful children into our home.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Rule J: Ever hear of Joseph?
Here's one life lesson for ya. Listen and learn. Remember how I said people reacted when we decided to adopt Corey? Well, I left one out because it demonstrates Rule J. Some people said, "Oh, that is so sad that his parents didn't want to keep him." They would have an attitude of sadness for him and often one of contempt at those birth parents who "didn't want" a less than perfect child.
Now is the time to consider Joseph. Take a spin through Genesis for this amazing piece of history. Joseph was not only abandoned by his brothers, they plotted against him, almost killed him, then sold him; they then actually staged it so their father would believe that their baby brother Joseph was killed by a wild animal!! The rest of the story....Joseph's brothers travel to him in a far off land years later, where he is in a position of great power, and the brothers have been sent by the father to beg for food for their family. Joseph recognized his brothers but they don't have a clue this is the one they betrayed. In the end, the brothers realize their lives are in Joseph's hands; Joseph forgives them, the family is reunited and the lives of many are saved. Joseph says, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them." So understand that you can't see the big picture; God can. Rule J- Be careful when you judge a person or situation.
Now is the time to consider Joseph. Take a spin through Genesis for this amazing piece of history. Joseph was not only abandoned by his brothers, they plotted against him, almost killed him, then sold him; they then actually staged it so their father would believe that their baby brother Joseph was killed by a wild animal!! The rest of the story....Joseph's brothers travel to him in a far off land years later, where he is in a position of great power, and the brothers have been sent by the father to beg for food for their family. Joseph recognized his brothers but they don't have a clue this is the one they betrayed. In the end, the brothers realize their lives are in Joseph's hands; Joseph forgives them, the family is reunited and the lives of many are saved. Joseph says, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them." So understand that you can't see the big picture; God can. Rule J- Be careful when you judge a person or situation.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Quality time at 8
Okay, so remembering to be sure to spend a few minutes first thing in the morning spending a little "quality time" chit chatting with my kids in the morning (but not having talked to them about this; not realizing they have even heard the term "quality time"), my 8 year old interrupts my question to him about the upcoming weekend and asks, "Mom, let's have some quality time today, could you pass me my gameboy?" Well, to me it was funny. This will introduce to you my first adopted child, Corey. We took him into our home when he was 6 weeks old, I was 39, and my other children were 14 and 18. People asked, "Why would you want to start all over again?" Others said, "That's so wonderful. I knew someone who adopted..." Some, however, including our pediatrician, said, " I would really think about that first.", or "Don't adopt him, he's not healthy....", and "I have one patient with that who is in a wheelchair and cannot do anything for himself."
Corey is in my picture on your far left!!
More to come.
Corey is in my picture on your far left!!
More to come.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
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